America's Got Talent - Back to the Big Apple

You've seen back stage, I'm sure; the contestants waiting, hoping. Some talented, most not. Others completely absurd. So, with the acts they show, imagine what we, the viewing audience, have been spared. At this point, I'm feeling sorry for the judges, who can't escape any of it. Okay, it's their job - they get paid, but oh my.

Rak and Tak, a husband and wife team, who sang "Alone" excruciatingly off key, are in real life, doctors. When Nick asked the wife if she was a better singer or doctor, she replied, "Better singer."

Ummm...the last name is Khan (or Con lol). So, if you're ever in NY and need a doctor, stay away from the "K"s and the "C"s in the directory, just to be safe. With three no votes, they're still practicing - medicine.

The Smage Brothers, a motor bike act got three yes votes. Just hope the dude, who was used as a prop, was wearing a cup. One mistake and he's not going to be able to reproduce.

We saw three clips of entertainers - all voted to the next round. The Sally Gould Dancers, ages 11-13; Dylan Andre, a guitar playing singer; and Shenika Charles, who proved how low one actually can go, with her limbo.

Then they threw in a 75 year old muscleman by the name of Ed Cole. Sorry, Ed, but even all the booty shakin' and flexin' ain't gonna get you Vegas. Age doesn't always have privilege.

Sometimes, though, determination does. Leonid the Magnificent auditioned four years ago and was rejected. He gave up the thought of ever being an entertainer, but came back again with a whole new act - A quick change artist, who was impressive enough this time to get two yes votes to Vegas. Piers wasn't impressed.

He was, however, impressed with a young electric guitar playing singer. Her name is Rachael Zanstein and she's got a Drew Barrymore kind of personality. I mean you just have to love her - well, everyone did with the exception of Howie.

Maybe he felt something more profound. He said, "I don't think you're ready." She tells the story of a Connecticut girl gone bad; booze, drugs, etc. "Then I found music and it became my life blood." When Howie said "...you're not ready" I wonder if he meant, ready for success.

From a poignant moment, to a sadly ridiculous one, the next "performer" was the Naked Cowgirl, Sandy Kane, who sung to Nick, "I love Nick he's better than ice cream to lick." Of course, she received three no votes. Offstage Nick asked her, "Do you still love me?" She shouted back "NO." lol Guess sleeping your way to the top doesn't work so much anymore.

Two more clips of acts that didn't get voted through followed the Nick Licker Cowgirl. Satori, who was just strange, and Maya, who was even stranger.

Then came a dancer with more heads than I have personalities. Narcisster danced around the stage, doing acrobatics and exposing different heads, even one between her legs. Ummm... okay, I ain't going there. The only face she didn't expose was her own. Maybe that's why she was voted through.

The show ended with Sam B, who "Took the 'I' outta Sam and just used the first initial of my last name." Okay, he was funny and fun, but I was afraid with him dancin like he was "Barking mad" he was going to have a heart attack.

You'd think if anyone danced like that night after night in clubs, as he claims he does, he'd be thin as a pencil. He told Nick, before he went on that all the girls want to dance with him. When he asks for their number, though, it's a different story. "Some sneak out to the bathroom, others give me a wrong number. Sometimes, though, I get lucky."

Although he was unanimously voted through, Piers qualified his vote with, "You're brilliantly terrible."

Sorry, folks, but New York was a big disappointment for me. Start spreadin' the news.