America's Got Talent - But Where?

After watching so many no-talent acts, I think I've become tired. Hell, I don't even know which state AGT was in tonight.

I keep wondering, if they are showing us "bad" talent, how bad is the talent they're not showing us?

Seriously, when they announced tonight that next Tuesdays show will be in Vegas, I'm like, wait! What? Good grief, I don't recollect seeing any million dollar acts.

Tonight, they shot us through four acts that all received nos.

1. Eric and Chris, who sang catastrophically off key.
2. A hair hanger named Chris
3. The Painted Ladies, with big butts
4. Magic of Mystique

Then came three yes votes for Fatally Unique, a dance group ranging in ages from 13-22. When they were voted to Vegas, I thought to myself, Self, I do believe AGT is desperate for acts.

Others voted to go to Vegas were: Ian Johnson, a 16 year old; Tricky Jackson, a body builder; and an 18 year old, singer/guitar player named Taylor Davis. What, no Smith's?

Thankfully, Tomahawk Tassels didn't make it through. She was nothing more than a stripper and a bad one at that. I'm sure Vegas has enough strippers.

When she ended her act, holding an oar in front her topless self, Howie, in an attempt at humor, said, "I'd like a better look at that oar." He went on stage, turned her around, and took the oar. So not funny.

Then came the, "It's never too late" moment. Cindy Chang, a 42 year old housewife, who's dreamed of singing her whole life, performed. She's a giggly, shy little thing, and I figured she'd get booed off stage quickly.

So why was she getting such a late start? This is the part I hate - PARENTS! When Cindy was a kid all she ever wanted to do was sing. Her Asian parents flatly said, "NO!"

It wasn't until later in life that she began vocal training with a coach, who told her, "It's too late for you."

The music began and the audience sat in silence as Cindy sang an aria with beautiful precision. She barely finished the last note, when she broke down in tears.

God! I hope her dumb ass PARENTS were watching and then kicking each other in the ass.

Another good act was Mike Stone and the Critical Band, who performed the Banana Boat Song. They have talent, but a million dollars worth? *sighs*

And, excuse me, but how does someone who does three little card tricks manage to get voted to Vegas? Desperation, I tell you.

The Psychic Magician, Fantastic Fig and his cat, Newton, brought four girls on stage with him. But why? They were in no way relevant to the card tricks. So why were they on stage? Because, "They wanted to dance." Hello?

GTR, an acronym for Girls that Rock, were buzzed off shortly after the stage started trembling.

Still, I sat through it all. The final circus act, which blew the judges away with the "danger level," was a family of motor bike riding daredevils. The Fearless Flores Family, lock their kids - a boy, 8, and a girl, 13, - in the Globe of Death and whilst the Dad bravely stands in the middle, the kids go high speed, round and round, up and down.

Now, the dad claims that the boy started when he was four, so I guess the girl's been doing it since age nine. And I get it, I really do. Rather than give kids a sedative to calm them down, you get them so dizzy that they pass out. lol

The dad assured the judges that they all ride and eventually we'll see four bikes in the ball. WOW! I can't wait.

Anyway, I decided, as I watched the show, that this was the last time for me. Then they announce "Next week Vegas." Okay, I have to watch now. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Oh, and if you want to vote for your favorite YouTube act, go to youtube.com/AGT