Death and the Afterlife

Recently, I've been giving death a great deal of thought. Well, not really recently, I guess I've always been obsessed with death and the afterlife - if there is one.

When I was a little girl, I'd sob uncontrollably because one of my dolls just died. I'm surprised my mom didn't have me committed. Instead, at the ripe old age of three, she sent me off to study music and theatre and dance. Anyway, it didn't matter that a doll died, because I would resurrect it a couple days later.

There are so many theories about death and afterlife - and often times I've wondered if rather than God creating us, we didn't create God and His Heaven out of a need.

Today, I read Stephen Hawking's theory and it was disturbing. To believe that "this is it" is really disappointing and like so many others, I just don't want to go there. "There" being some black hole of oblivion. However, as a scientist, he should know that we are conscious energy and energy never dies, it simply changes form. It's merely his theory and he's not all-knowing. Although a brilliant physicist, he can only guess what comes after life like the rest of us less brilliant people.

Because of my fascination with death, I've read more books on the subject than I can remember. I've taken something from each, but I'm still no closer to understanding death than I am to understanding life. All I know is that death is simply life coming full circle.

I've watched people die and each one has experienced something unexplainable. The death rally is an occurrence that I've read about and have seen first hand. When someone has been sick for a long time, they suddenly get this last burst of energy and wellness. It's like they were transported back in time. Then within a day or two, they're dead. At least as far as we know.

I've seen people on their deathbed talk to friends or family members, who had left this plane of reality long before. Really see them and be like happy that they're joining them again. Is it all in our minds? Or is it at all possible that as we die, someone familiar comes to show us the way? But the way to where?

To some, who never look beyond what they've been taught, this place is Heaven. And whilst science claims death is the end, I've yet to see proof. If there is a Heaven, where is it, what is it? Is it a place? A state of mind? Is it a stop over to another life? Can someone resurrect us as I resurrected my dolls?

A friend of mine babysat a little boy, who told everyone that would listen about his home in Ohio. His mom said they never lived in Ohio, but that he had been telling that story ever since he was able to talk. He described the town, the street and the house in which he lived, all in great detail. He even gave a first name.

I don't know if it was out of curiosity, or just to end what his parents believed was a fantasy, but once the mother found the town on the map, she and her husband decided to take the kid there. To their utter shock, the place was exactly as their little boy described. Upon further investigation, they learned that many years prior, a little boy had died in that house. The little boys name was the same as their little boy said.

So, is reincarnation a possibility?

Movies tend to idealize death. They make it so wonderfully perfect that I'm not surprised there aren't more suicides. This past week I watched a movie entitled "What Dreams May Come." As I watched, I thought, yeah...if this is death, cool. It's not an end, but a beginning; an awakening. We learn who we really are and what our purpose is in order to go back and make right our mistakes. Alas! It was a movie - a writer's fantastical theory.

I once read that birth is much more difficult than death. Unless the person, who wrote the book, wrote it posthumously, I have no idea how it could be anything other than a theory.

But could it be that during the birth process we know everything? The befores and the what will bes? My mom was in hard labor with me for 55 hours. lol. I'll have to take her word for it, because I don't remember. If that "knowing" is true, guess I changed my mind about being born into this life. Growing up she'd tell me, I was a pain at birth and have been ever since. I used to tell her that maybe I was her punishment. *laughs wickedly* It's easy to make devout Catholics feel everything is their fault. *evil grins*

Some people say that life on earth is our punishment - our hell. But then why are there those people, who live the "good life" here on earth? That's just not fair at all.

There's only one way of knowing for sure what death is all about, but I'm not dying to find out. What I do know is, if this life is all there is like Stephen Hawking claims, I'm going to be pretty damn pissed.