Certainly, I'm not the first, nor will I be the last to complain about customer *coughs* service. But OMG it just gets worse with each passing day. Before I even pick up the phone, I go into panic attack mode. Today was no different.
Before dialing, I did everything within my expertise to troubleshoot the problem I was having with local network connection. After all, DWTS was on tonight and I couldn't miss it. But last night as well as this morning, the picture would go on and off and on again every five minutes.
After several deep breaths to center myself, I dialed.
"Good morning, this is your friendly computer. How may I help you?"
"You can connect me to a real person."
"I'm sorry, I did not understand your selection. You may say blah blah blah."
"Okay."
"I'm sorry, I did not understand your selection."
After several more times of the computer not understanding that I wanted to talk to a human, I blew up. "YOU'RE AN EFFING COMPUTER THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME!"
"I'm sorry, let me connect you with customer service. Please hold."
DUH!
"Good morning. How may I help you?"
As calmly as possible, I explained the problem to the dude from India, only he seemed to understand me less than the computer. *rolls eyes*
"Please crawl in back of huge entertainment unit and unplug satellite cable."
*groans and grunts* "There are two cables and neither can be unplugged. They have to be screwed out."
"No no, Ma'am, unplug one."
"Which one?"
"The cable one."
"There's two cable ones."
"The one that connects to satellite."
"They both connect to satellite."
"Okay, okay, Miss Bullock, do this instead..."
"Wait! What? That's not my name."
"Yes, Ma'am it is. That is name on account."
"Do me a favor then, send the frickin bills to Miss Bullock."
"You are not Miss Bullock?"
"Ummmmm. Hold on and I'll go check my ID."
"Yes, Ma'am."
"No. I'm not Miss Bullock."
"Do you know your phone number."
"Let me go check."
"Yes, Ma'am, I will hold. " *rolls eyes*
After I give the dude my phone number he says, "Yes, Ma'am. You are Miss Bullock."
"Fine. Now can we fix the problem?"
He has me do all this stuff that could have been done without me crawling in back of the entertainment center. Then asks, "What's it doing now?" To which I reply, "Nothing. Does the TV have to be on first?"
Now mind you, he prefaced these instructions with "Do exactly what I say." He never told me to turn on the TV. lol
Okay, so the TV is on and as we wait for it to acquire satellite, he says, "I am connecting you with supervisor."
Hold hold hold hold...disconnect. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"Good morning. This is your friendly computer. How may I help you."
To find out what happened next, just reread the beginning. lol.
Eventually, I'm connected with a human. "Good morning. How may I help you?" What? It's still morning?
I repeat ver batim what I told dude from India. "Please pull out the cable that connects...."
"Excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me????? We've been through all this already. All I was doing when disconnected was waiting for the supervisor."
"I'm sorry, Miss Bullock, if you'll just be patient. I'm trying to help you."
"First of all, I'm not Miss Bullock."
"Then why are you calling on her account?"
*heavy sighs*
She gives me my phone number. I give her my address and account number. "You're not Miss Bullock. We'll have to change that." OMG! Just laughs so hard.
Obviously, I'm not going to get to a supervisor without going through all this again, so I decide to cooperate. So now she's telling me to do something with my remote. "Wait, the remote isn't working now."
"Let me connect you with a tech specialist."
"Do you think you can do that without disconnecting me, please."
"Good morning. My name is tech specialist and my number is zero for brains. How may I help you?"
For the third time I repeat what happened, adding "Now my remote doesn't work either."
"One has nothing to do with the other. You need batteries."
"They're relatively new batteries."
"You need a new remote then."
"My remote was fine until Mr. India Guy 'helped' me."
"It's just a coincidence. Now, if you'll unplug the cable..."
Of course you know what's coming next, right? lol
After finally realizing that he would not be able to help me, he addressed me by my proper name, which sent me into utter shock and disbelief. "We're going to send a technician out there and..."
"Wait a minute. How much is this gonna cost me?"
"If you want to subscribe to..."
"Wait! How much is that gonna cost me?"
"Only six dollars a month."
"I'm already paying 70 for a TV I rarely watch. It would be cheaper for me to switch to Direct TV."
"Let me see if I can waive that cost."
WOW! I'm getting a break here? How about the hour I just spent on the phone with you guys? Can I send you a bill?
He returns to tell me that because I've been a customer in good standing for so long, they will do me a ginormous favor and waive this fee, but "One time only." He goes on to tell me when the technician will arrive and "He'll look at your broken remote as well."
"It wasn't broken before Mr. India Guy helped me though."
Okay, I know this tech specialist is thinking, OMG! It's gonna be one of those days, because I'm thinking the same thing.
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"Well, considering you didn't help me with the problem I called about in the first place, guess not."
So much for Customer Service. Now mind you, I know they have their problems and they really do try to help. Only the manual that reads, If customer says this, do this, doesn't always have all the answers - and apparently either do the tech specialists.
And how is your day going? :D Please do tell me about your experiences with CS Reps. I need a good laugh.
3 comments:
omg lol this was such a funny read :) i hate customer support people too, they always do this shit, I remember the aol people did it to me when i tried to cancel dial up ages ago lol.
very funny tho :) and ur not nuts, these customer service people on the phone 99% are dumbasses lol
I thought you were gonna tell me your experience with AOL, which was funnier than hell.
Instead you leave this comment about them being "dumbasses." Like I said, you'd make a good CSR. ROFLMAO!
And why you check R U NUTS, if you don't think I am? *glares* You're in trouble now Mister.
I think we've all had experiences like you just had. That's why ist's so funny.
A couple weeks ago Lucky Taz tried to get help to empty the e-mail trash. He called Comcast and they said it wasn't their problem. He would have to call HP. He called HP and got someone from India who he couldn't understand at all. After he speaks slower, Lucky Taz understands him to say it will cost $59 to fix the problem. No thank you, and he hangs up.
There is no such thing as Customer Service anymore.
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